The Kettle Black

How have I only just visited Kettle Black for the first time this year in May? 

Perhaps I was hoping, just hoping, that the crowd and hype would die down a bit more once it had opened, and that I would be able to waltz by one morning and only wait 10 minutes or so for a table.

But no. No. Nathan Toleman must be Midas, as everything he touches seems to just turn into pure gold.

I finally caved in and decided to visit the Kettle Black on my birthday, because if there was any day that I could be comfortable with making Brad wait longer than 15 minutes for brunch…it would have to be on my birthday. 

It’s really located in an interesting spot, which is really kind of void of anything…but Kettle Black, so once you’re there, you may as well stick around. I found the crowd fascinating; I’m usually hanging out in Fitzroy or Collingwood for breakfast, so am used to seeing hipsters, creepers, high waisted jeans and vintage shirts at breakfast. At Kettle Black? The crowd was well dressed. Real well dressed. It was obviously the Toorak socialites, and brand-loving, selfie taking Asians. Why did I choose to wear my converse on this day of all days?

Fortunately, before I could lament too long on my choice of shoe, we were seated within 20 or 30 minutes…not too bad if you ask me. 

Despite the place being so busy, Kettle Black run a tight ship, as to be expected, and our waiter (who was also celebrating his birthday), although busy, was attentive and very friendly, making us feel very much at ease.

My soy chai made me happy, warm, not super spicy, but easy to drink and still packing flavour. I loved that the honey was the perfect temperature to just lazily pour out at will.  

Kettle Black’s menu is exquisite. Simply exquisite. With beautiful ingredients and interesting combinations, it makes it a very difficult decision…especially for the first meal of the day!

Brad opted for something a little familiar, the chilli scrambled eggs with cured flinders island wallaby, feta and leaves. You get scrambled eggs, but then you get Kettle Black’s scrambled eggs, soft, golden, creamy folds; a touch of salt from the wallaby and delectably creamy feta. Simple, but so well done. 

But wait for it guys. Wait for it.

As I had had pancakes the morning before, I decided not to get the hotcake, but ended up choosing the polenta porridge with burnt maple, textures of strawberry and basil. Oh my god guys. This dish was so beautiful, visually, a pillow of polenta, dotted with a strawberry garden on top. So pretty. It also smelt amazing, with the sweet strawberry aroma wafting off the plate and making my olfactory senses so happy. It was like birthday cake in porridge form. The polenta was smooth, and went so well with the strawberries, almost bathing in a pool of maple (you could all make it jiggle a bit if you shook it around…so what if I play with my food?) 

Highly recommended.

Sure, Kettle Black comes with lots of hype and high expectations. But there’s definitely a reason behind the long lines on the weekend and the high number of staff scheduled on. The food is executed exactly as you expect (from stalking them on Instagram) and although we sat outside, when we stepped inside to pay, the interiors were beautiful and rather soothing. You definitely want to stay a while. 

The Kettle Black

50 Albert Road

South Melbourne 3205